so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
