i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
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Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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