I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis