TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
