Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
