Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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