she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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