Operation Purity has been aborted
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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