I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
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Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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