Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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