Where is the hickey?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
