Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
