So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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