farters have to be the big spoon...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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