dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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