Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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