I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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