just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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