i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
