shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Four minutes until I can fart!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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