im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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