Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
