It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
