Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
