When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
