Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
