Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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