Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
