my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
