All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He passed out mid-signature
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
