What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Semen is not good for contacts.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
