She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
