Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
