I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
