The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
