he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
