I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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