see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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