She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
