Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
