sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
