It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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