dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
