Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I didn't notice because vodka
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
