fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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