i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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