You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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