I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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