I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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