I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
