Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.