After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?