Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.