i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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