Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
