that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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