I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
