Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
