I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
