Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
