"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
