I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
