His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
nutella sex= disaster
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
