We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
