Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Randomize
