when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize