Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Send help, water and tortillas.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
