He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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