apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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