Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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