idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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