Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
