mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
