and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
